The Soundtrack to Pornography

Man, I have had the weirdest week.
I know that I must say that at least twice each and every week since I've been here, but I think this one takes the cake!

I was at work last Wednesday at the rehearsal studio. I had been at my other job all day, so by the time I got to Ultrasound, I was incredibly tired. I only had a few bands spaced out here and there over the evening. Normally, while the bands rehearse, I sit in this hallway, in case they have any stupid questions like: "Why am I not getting any sound out if the bass amp?" (Generally, it helps if you turn it on jackass)

So, during a break in the "action" [this joke will be funnier in a minute], I got up and used the restroom. A short time later, as I'm counting the seconds pass by, a weird looking bald guy walks by me on his way to the bathroom. He's singing at the top of his lungs, but not listening to anything like an Ipod or cd player. Immediately, I think the guy is a nutjob [this will also be funnier in a bit]. The guy apparently takes care of his "business" [c'mon....there is a pattern developing here], and walks back by, still belting it out at a ridiculous volume for a capella.

About ten minutes later, it was close to the time when the last band in my section would be finished so I decided to start cleaning up. My cleaning duties are relatively easy in that I have a few chairs to pick up and clean the bathroom. The latter is where the problem started. I walked into the room with my bottle of 409 and a roll of paper towels to clean the rim of the toilet and the sink. It was at this point in time that I happened to look into the toilet and notice a condom floating in all of its recently used glory. To further elaborate on the situation, the bathroom in my section is a one seater, and nobody had been into it since our buddy left.

Obviously disgusted, I went downstairs to ask if the other techs had seen the guy on our video monitoring system. They said they had seen him walk into room "6" [which is funny, because it is only one letter removed from 'sex']. I at this point ran upstairs to tell my manager, Jeff, the situation. He jumps from the chair behind his desk and hurries downstairs to inspect the situation. By this point, without the security of my watchful, but very tired, eyes....someone had used the toilet and flushed our evidence. Thankfully, Jeff took my word for it and we hauled of to the rehearsal room in question.

In most of the studios, there are opposite-facing double doors that serve as sound proofing. As Jeff opens one and begins to open the other, someone from the inside begins to push against the door in order to prevent entry to the room.

Disclaimer: For kids that are reading this unsupervised by an adult 21 years or older, please ask your parents before continuing. What follows is an eyewitness account of the events, complete with dialogue, profanity, nudity, and pornographic material. Thank you.

"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW!" Jeff screams through the tiny crack between the door and its frame.
The door opens slowly to reveal six persons, (Four men and two women) all of whom are completely naked, three of which are engaged in sexual intercourse.
Some of the naked people are holding a video camera and another is aiming a light fixture toward the afformentioned action. [get it now?]
"Oh shit" Jeff mutters, hanging his head. "Stop whatever it is you're doing. Get your clothes on and get the fuck out of my studio!"
Startled and apparently embarrassed, the "actors" scramble to get dressed and out of trouble as soon as possible.
"We're awfully sorry about this, man" says one guy, hiking his shorts on to cover his junk.
"How the hell do you people think that this is ok?" asks Jeff. "Do we look like a porn studio to you? You guys don't even have instruments for Christ's sake!"
"I'm a drummer," says another guy, who happened to be standing behind the drumkit.
Without skipping a beat, Jeff scratches out "That's a shame, kid. 'Cause it looks like you've only got one stick." (can i get a rimshot, please?)

So that's my story. Funny how life happens. I can't express to you how weird it feels to go into work now, not having any clue what I might walk-in on. So keep your eyes peeled for an upcoming porno movie, filmed on location at Ultrasound Studios.
Maybe if I'm really lucky and/or they forgive me for ratting on them, I can get a song into the film or on the soundtrack!