Halloween Sucks.

I'm bummed out.

For real. I'm seriously bummin'.

The Saints losing to the Ravens this weekend by such a profound margin has left my heart in shambles. This is worse than when Taco Bell renamed the 'Chilito' as the 'Chili-Cheese Burrito'. In my professional opinion, who cares that the former name, roughly translated from Spanish slang, is a 'tiny penis'. It's still a delicious combination of Chili, Cheese, and a flour tortilla.....and nothing conveys that combination better than a combination of the words chili and burrito. Dammit.

I'm also having beard withdrawal. For guys, growing a beard is like a status symbol. If you can sprout chin-fur in a matter of days or weeks, you hold an esteemed position in the eyes of your contemporaries. Just like the first girl to sprout sweater-meat in elementary school....without the disdain.....or the cooties.

This time last year, I was playing my first show in NYC. I "dressed" as Dave Grohl, of Nirvana and Foo Fighters fame, who I bear a slight resemblence to when in full-beard and scruffy hair mode.

This year, I shaved my beard into a bad-ass "Hell Yeah" handlebar 'stache and chops. I used such a rockin' re-do for the express purpose of dressing up like a hillbilly and going to a party with Corey to one of his coworkers' houses. And it was totally......LAAAAAAAAAAAAME.

I knew we were in for a rough night when on our way to the party, we decide to pick up some "Hell Yeah" beer to go along with our costumes. After wandering into a grocery store, we.......no, I got a lot of weird looks. Granted, I looked like a jackass, but it was Friday night.......there had to be a hundred people out and about, dressed up for a night of wild fun.

So we wandered through the store with our twelve packs of in hand, 'cause you "ain't 'HELL YEAH' if you don't drink some American beer out of a can....the way God made it!"

Here's the abridged version of the rest of the story: drank way more beer than I had planned to, ended up sitting on some random girl's couch watching Family Guy with Corey, got in an argument with said random girl and Corey about some topic that is slightly foggy at the moment, and by the grace of some higher power, we made it home.

So here I am, beardless and hungry, watching reruns of Law & Order, because it's more interesting than NBA Basketball and/or UAB vs. SMU in College Football. I know full well there are cute girls stumbling around dressed like sexy nurses or sexy referees or sexy Bob Dole.....wait, what? How did that get there?

Anyway.....here is a video in case you're looking for that last second costume. Girl's Costume Warehouse

Ok....I'm gonna make a run for the border.

 

 

P.s.  Does anyone know how to get money for product placement?