Okay...I get it.

Ha ha ha....very funny.

My inbox has been filled with email most of the day. And by filled, I mean that I've gotten five emails today......and by today I mean this week. But it actually did all show up today. Strangely enough, it was all relevant to one particular topic.

Poor, poor T-Bizzle.

It's actually quite sad that five people felt compelled to send me articles about Taco Bell. I get it....I eat Taco Bell. I like it. It's relatively cheap, even though it has been years since the prized "59-79-99" menu was in it's prime. You could feed an entire village of poor, starving, mosquito-bitten African children for a total of $7.46......then again, I could just eat it myself. Seriously, what kind of American would I be if I didn't do my part to add to the stereotype that we're all fat self-concerned slobs.

I truly am sorry that people in the greater New York area have gotten ill from eating at a Taco Bell restaurant.

My question is this: What makes you bastards so special?

No really. Do you know how many people get sick from eating at Taco Bell everyday? You think you're so great 'cause the Escherichia coli gave you a different type of diarrhea? My dad used to get what seemed like 'Montezuma's Revenge' everytime I made him take me on a run for the border.

Would Taco Bell be owned and operated by Yum Brands, Inc if the food wasn't absolutely delicious? I doubt it. You don't hear of any companies called 'Our Food is Fucking Disgusting and Bad For You, LLC'! That's because they would have a very hard time selling anything.....even something as awesome as a "Choco Taco". Trust me.

Jonathan and I have a very special friendship that has only been strengthened by our love of fake mexican food. I'll always remember the summer of 1998.....and the stomach problems that resulted from it. If my memory serves me correctly, it was eight straight days that I ate Taco Bell, three times a day. Breakfast was usually around 1pm, Lunch at 8pm, and Dinner was eaten closer to midnight. I spent the ninth day in the bathroom for several, relatively obvious reasons.

On a different note, I am quite glad that Taco Bell no longer employs that grubby Chihuahua that 'quiero'd' TB......no, not tuberculosis. I always thought it was most likely against health regulations to have a mangy dog wandering around the food prep area. That's got to be some sort of health code violation. Then again, an E. coli outbreak is probably due to some lapse in cleanliness.

I've done some research and decided against explaining in any detail the cause of E. coli outbreaks......mostly because it is absolutely disgusting and totally involves dookie.

I suppose I should be appreciative for those five people caring so much about my intestinal fortitude that they forwarded the article above. That was quite nice of you. The funny thing is that the more I received the article, the more I craved Taco Bell. Is that wrong?

I hope not......'cause dinner was awesome!!! And it only cost me $7.46!