Jersey House Parties and GoGo Dancers

What a weird weekend. It started early for me, but the last few days have been incredibly odd. It all began on thursday, when my friend Anibal (whom I work with at the museum) had some of his artwork on display at a benefit show for a girl who is my age, but is stricken with ovarion cancer.

So I end up at this art benefit, which is being held in this very tiny room above a bar. The place is packed with artists, hipsters, hip-hoppers, punks, freaks.........and me. After a $10 donation at the door, which I was more than happy to give since the money went directly to the girl with cancer, they give you two green tickets which I happily exchanged for two Red Stripe beers. Since the place was so packed, I decided to get both beers at one time and just walk around "double fisted".

I meet up with Anibal and his buddy Ron (who looks exactly like Bernie Williams) and we hang out for a while at the art opening. Also hanging out were Al's brother Ed, this guy Ken and Ron's neighbor, Mel. These are all characters that come into play later in the story and the weekend in general. After about half an hour or so, the plan changes because somebody who knew somebody was having a party that somehow involves models and free drinks, and so that means we're off to a club!

I swear we must have killed another twenty minutes standing outside waiting for the whole crew to assemble and my only problem with this was that it was 35 degrees outside. So as we're standing outside, and I'm personally freezing my nuts off, more details come to light about where we're headed. Basically, everyone but me knows this one guy who works with a modeling agency and the agency was hosting a party for their models at a club called "GoGo". Now, where I'm from gogo is simply a type of dancing where a scantily clad young lady is essentially trapped in a cage and forced to dance. According to Ed, in New York "gogo" is just another form of strip joint. As we finally arrive, we are all on the guest list (nice) and are escorted into the area that the party was just getting started.

BEAUTIFUL GIRLS TO MY LEFT!
BEAUTIFUL GIRLS TO MY RIGHT!

I'm astounded by how many gorgeous girls there are at this party. Wandering up to the bar, we discover that the free drinks consist of Budweiser bottles and house vodka drinks. I'm not a fan of either variety but I am not one to discriminate when the word 'free' is involved. I order a Bud and the bartender apparently thought i asked for two, so again I'm double-fisted. Things could be worse.

As it turns out, "GoGo" was not in fact a strip club, but a dance club with the gogo dancers that I was expecting. Everyone was fairly disappointed. The models made up for it. And then there was the VIP hostess. Holy crap. This girl was quite hot and she made every guy in the room stare at her. She was wearing some tiny little tank top that barely covered the special bits of her ENORMOUS fake breasts. It was like I was in seventh grade squinting at scrambled porn, I just couldn't keep my eyes off of them. And she knew it too, which made things worse, because if I happened to be looking in her direction she knew I was gonna glance down!

As the evening progresses, the free drinks begin to catch up with everyone. Ron and Mel are standing in front of one of the dancer's platforms taking pictures in an attempt to get a dancer in the background. Ed and Ken are trying very hard to get up on the VIP platform to dance with these two Madison Ave. princesses. Al and I are nursing beers from each hand, just scoping the crowd. It is during this moment that Al leans over and points out a person in the room that was famous. It was Wonder Mike, of the legendary hip-hop group "The Sugarhill Gang", known for their song "Rapper's Delight". I'm not saying I wasn't impressed by seeing the guy, but I was more impressed (as was the rest of the room) when Sugarhill Gang took the stage and performed. It apparently was a performance that wasn't planned. The whole place went nuts!

The "show" was over and we're ready to split, but quickly notice that Ken has disappeared. As we step outside, Al calls Ken and asks him where he went. Turns out, Ken felt like he was getting sick, so he bolted out of the club and proceeded to wander up 6th ave from 19th street to 23rd street, ralphing on every block along the way. I find this funny, but its even funnier to me, because I'm glad it wasn't me.

That was a long story for one night, but it is not where my weekend stopped.Friday night, Mel was having a party at his house in Jersey City, NJ. This was my first venture into the odd and twisted land that is the Garden State.

I ride over with Anibal and Ed and as we leave the city through the Holland Tunnel and re-emerge in another state, it was strangely similar to entering an alternate universe. Life seemed to slow down to a snail's pace. Traffic was non-existent. People seemed happier and in less of a rush. All of these things are pretty odd considering I haven't left the city in 7 months.

We get to the house at around 10pm, and it was actually very familiar. I miss the house parties that used to be such a staple of life for me, living in the south. But that is where the similarities ended. Mel greets us and is busy DJ-ing (not well, I might add). There is a ton of beer and alcohol and people are pretty well into it by the time we arrive. The highlight of this party of the story is really the people that were in attendance, so I'll skip ahead to my two favorite characters.

First, after several beers, I ended up in a coversation about music with a nomadic Australian kid who had been all over the world, just because he didn't feel like having a day job. We discussed the influence of Pink Floyd and other bands on today's indie music. It was after a long talk that we got into the "favorite bands" category. He spouted off some band I had never heard of and I rattled off "The Beatles". It was at this point that I lost the majority of interest in the conversation. The guy spent the next ten minutes raising his voice about how "overrated the Beatles are". I basically tuned out and began to notice my second favorite character of the night.

Near a door frame, a girl who had arrived much later than my friends and I but was somehow WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY more drunk! I'm pretty sure that the door frame was the only reason she was standing up. Soon enough, my suspicion was proven correct. Let me set this up for you. She was not a small girl. I'd venture to say 5'8", 260 lbs. VERY DRUNK. And then it happened. The girl fell over like a toppled building. She hit the floor so hard it hurt the tile.......no literally, two of the tiles cracked! She was helped to her feet and put in a chair at the kitchen table. Two young ladies proceeded to fix her a glass of water and check to see if she was ok. The next time I turned around, the girl was still sitting in the chair, but the glass of water that she was supposed to be sipping had been replaced by a fresh can of budweiser. Not a bright idea. She then stood up and began dancing near the chair she was sitting in, but sadly had not suddenly regained her balance and she fell over again, this time taking the flimsy table and chair with her. People again rushed to her aid and when asked "Are you ok?" the girl responds "I spilled my beer, get me another one!" I wish I could say that was the end of it, but the girl seriously tumbled like four more times, each subsequent time making terrible attempts to bump and grind with some poor soul that couldn't avoid her fast enough.

Last night was pretty weird too, but I want to save a few stories for when I get home, or else you guys will all think I'm boring and uninteresting. Let's just say I did get to watch the football game (GEAUX TIGERS!!), then later had my Tarot cards read, and ended up taking a cab home at like 6am. Yeah........I'm gonna go take a nap!

I am NOT a Hockey Fan!

What I didn't realize (being a southerner), is that even though baseball is over, football is in full swing, and basketball is about to start, northerners still manage to focus all of their attention on hockey.

What the f***?!?!?!

I attended my first NHL game tonight. The New York Rangers lost to the Pittsburgh Penguins 3-2. I'm not saying it wasn't exciting, I'm just saying that somebody should've thrown a punch or two. The pansy refs wouldn't even let guys get close enough to try and fight.

Remember when you were a kid, and the coolest thing around was playing "Blades of Steel" on your Nintendo gaming console? Boy, I do.
Fighting was the coolest thing you could manage to do in that game. I used to spend hours skating around that computer animated rink just waiting for someone to hit me. Hell, if they'd even look at me wrong, I was gonna throw down!

Which brings me to my next point.
I'm buying an iPod.

I know, I'm a total sellout.......I'm just tired of being the ONLY person in this city that doesn't have one. Seriously, I have a long commute to the museum every morning, and goshdagnabbit, I wanna listen to the Backstreet......er, I mean.....um......Metallica!

So....stay tuned for my triumphant return to the deep south. Be afraid, be very afraid.